Why i'm always alone

I just want a gf or partner. But i'm not interesting, i'm a monster, a dick who deserve to die. Why loneliness with horniness hurt more ? Why no woman loves me, desire me, want me ? I'm disgusting, i deserve nothing except to die. I can't live for myself, i don't have goal, dream, i don't have anything, always in my room. I don't have strenght. I need to die because i can't live alone. I'm a piece of shit and that's why they ghost me or leave me